…What am I doing wrong??… Do I have a sign on my forehead that says unfriendly?? … Is there legitimately something about me that repels people?? … Why can’t I make friends??

I really would love to know why making friends seems to be completely impossible for me. Why everyone else around me has seven best friends and I don’t even have one.

I’m shy. Is that the problem? I don’t just walk up to strangers and strike up a conversation. I’m nervous around new people. I can be sarcastic. I can make people hate me in seconds. I am not a Chatty Cathy. I can be in a crowded room surrounded by people I know and still feel alone.

Fear has grown inside me. It started as a seed. Now I feel as of there is a tree inside of me taking hold of my body. I fear the future. Am I doing what God wants me to be? It feels right…. I fear rejection. Why open up to someone only to be turned away?? And yet at the same time I fear acceptance. Why open up to someone if they are potentially going to turn away like everyone else??

I fear and I am ashamed of this fear. God is my assurance and my constant companion.

I end tonight’s blog with the bible verse we studied tonight at camp. And when I get home I will put it up for a constant reminder.

“I took you from the ends of the earth
from its farthest corners I called you.
I said “You are my servant;
I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
So do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not be dismayed for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand,’.” -Isaiah 41: 9-10.

If you don’t mind pray for me.

Thanks 🙂 Good Night.